The Fill in Parent

When you were a kid, did you have a fill in parent?
Someone who you looked up to in place of the parent you were missing.
I had two – my grandpa (the fun one) and my uncle (the disciplinary one).
My grandpa would let me follow him around. I would watch him work. Machinery, wood, all kinds of stuff. I would ask him a million questions and just hang out with him.
My uncle was the one who sat me down for talks when I got in trouble at school. This happened often…
He and I had fun too. But I was scared of him, which was good for me in my teen years.
I was always thankful for them and loved them. But I always knew they belonged to someone else.
My mom’s dad. My cousin’s dad. Not my dad.
Now I realize that even though they weren’t there 24/7 – I did learn and was guided by them. They loved me and I loved them. Just because they weren’t “my” dad, doesn’t have to mean they weren’t mine.
I am a coach who Helps People who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent so that they can Heal Old Wounds and Move Forward being able to Manage Triggers from the Past.
I am healed and found peace with my past by understanding it, accepting it, and not allowing it to define me. I talk and teach what I know from the scar, not the wound.
Please join my Facebook Group – People Who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent – Healing Old Wounds
If you would like to work with me you can schedule a Free 30-minute video session with me here:

Learn to love yourself

Love all the weird, awkward, goofy and dorky things about you. Even the thoughts that you are different from others. Being different doesn’t have to be a bad thing, unless you let it. Normal is boring. Also, what IS normal and who says what it is? Be you 100% all the time. Accept and love yourself for who you are. Not what you think other people want you to be. Don’t apologize or make excuses for who you are. If someone doesn’t like it, smile, and know it’s their problem, not yours. Eliminate the worry and embrace the badassery! It’s so much more fun!

Please join my Facebook Group – People Who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent – Healing Old Wounds

https://www.facebook.com/groups/peoplewithanunavailableparent

If you would like to work with me;

You can schedule a Free 30-minute video session with me below:

Triggers – Growing Up with an Unavailable Parent

When you were a kid, did you ever cry while you were alone because your parent didn’t want you? I remember a sadness that would bring me to my knees as a kid. An ugly cry with a pool of tears, hyperventilation, and a pain inside that was indescribable. My father didn’t want me, and I didn’t know why.

Then, when you were in your teens, did it turn into anger and denial? For me, he was a piece of shit and not worth my time. But still, sometimes when I was alone, I would cry. At this age it was sadness, pain, anger, and a lot of bad decisions on top.

As an adult, do you pretend it doesn’t bother you anymore? Like, you are older and past it? I did. I thought that I was too old to still feel this way.  Yet things triggered me despite my avoidance and denial. I didn’t talk about it because it was embarrassing. I was a 40-year-old woman who was still disappointed she didn’t have a dad growing up. I honestly thought something was wrong with me. I was so sick of feeling that way. Once I was aware of how these triggers were affecting my life, I had to find a way to “fix” myself. That’s when I found that there wasn’t anything “wrong” with me. I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. There are so many people, who had different circumstances of an unavailable parent, but had the same effects as I did, well into adulthood.

I learned to manage my triggers by understanding it was never my fault that my father wasn’t there. I wasn’t responsible for the choices he made. Growing up without a father didn’t need to define anything about me. I made his absence mean something about me. I made it mean because he wasn’t there, my life would forever be lacking. So, when I would see people who had that connection with their father, I made it mean I was missing something. That may have been true as a kid, but as an adult, “I” am everything I need. I am my strength. I am my teacher. I am my own hero. Learning to break the belief that my life should have been different, I should have had a father, is what finally freed me from the triggers.

Please join my Facebook Group – People Who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent – Healing Old Wounds

https://www.facebook.com/groups/peoplewithanunavailableparent

If you would like to work with me;

You can schedule a Free 30-minute video session with me below:

Choices

You had a parent that chose a different life, over a life with you. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t have to mean anything about you. It doesn’t have to define you.

You may have made a lot of bad decisions in your life because you didn’t think you were good enough. That doesn’t define you either.

You get to decide what defines you. What defined you last week, may not be what defines you today. Is that a problem? Only if you make it a problem. I decided at 42 years old who I wanted to be. It’s never too late.

Once you realize that you get to choose your life, your life doesn’t choose you, that is when you get to live the best part of it. What are you waiting for?

I am a coach who Helps People who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent so that they can Heal Old Wounds and Move Forward being able to Manage Triggers from the Past.

I am healed and found peace with my past by understanding it, accepting it, and not allowing it to define me. I talk and teach what I know from the scar, not the wound.

Please join my Facebook Group – People Who Grew Up with an Unavailable Parent – Healing Old Wounds

https://www.facebook.com/groups/peoplewithanunavailableparent

If you would like to work with me;

You can schedule a Free 30-minute video session with me below: